Lewiston had an unusual election this week, in which the candidates were a dead guy and a brain-dead guy. Bob Macdonald, the latter, won by a narrow margin and promptly went into wacky dictator mode, threatening his opponents with revenge.
It is not nice to make fun of people who are struggling with a weight problem. In fact, it’s immature, insensitive and ignorant.
It is, however, also fun.
Which is in no way an excuse. I mean if this posting were only about me enjoying myself by blurting out hurtful comments about groups that I seemed to consider no more that fodder for juvenile humor, it would be, well … uh … pretty much the way it is now.
It is not the purpose of this website to unduly alarm the populace. Fomenting panic across the state would serve no useful purpose, and could result in riots, looting, and violence not seen since Occupy Augusta’s recent visit to the Blaine House.
The Maine Department of Health and Human Services (motto: Helping the Needy by Requiring Them to Fill Out Lots of Forms That Nobody is Ever Actually Going to Read, Although That Won’t Stop the Bureaucracy From Finding Some Excuse for Denying Any Benefits) is running a big deficit.
I want to stress that I am not a conspiracy theorist. No matter how many times Fox News runs reports about how at least half the liberals in Congress are actually badly dressed woodchucks, I don’t believe it. The New York Times can keep on exposing Republican presidential candidates as thinly disguised squirrels, but I’m not buying it.
In the wake of the Nov. 8 election in which Maine voters overwhelmingly rejected a proposed casino at the Bates Mill in downtown Lewiston, the mayor of that fair city, Larry Gilbert, and other supporters of the development gracefully accepted defeat.
When people from away think of Maine, what’s the first thing that comes to their minds?
“Isn’t it winter there, like, ten months a year?”
“I think it’s part of Canada. Or Sweden.”
“Stephen King is the governor. Or the governor is some other psycho like him.”
Which just goes to show that people from away are idiots.
AAA, the organization you call when your car won’t start, has greatly expanded its activities over the years. It now sells insurance. It has a travel agency. It books monthly sex parties at the old Knights of Columbus hall in Sanford. And it installs devices in your car that monitor where teenage drivers are going and how fast they’re traveling while they’re getting there.
I’m sort of oblivious to the latest fashion trends. Which sometimes gets me in a lot of trouble. For example:
Recently, in my local tavern, I was talking with some people, when a woman joined our group. I immediately noticed she had a bird feather tangled in her hair. No one else in the group made mention of it, but I figured they were too timid to bring it up, for fear they’d offend her by pointing out such a flagrant disregard for personal hygiene. So, I took it upon myself to remedy the situation.
My taste in everything except beer, whiskey, and second wives is highly questionable.