The Maine Turnpike’s new rest area in West Gardiner has all the usual amenities for travelers: food, beverages, crafts, artwork and – getouttamywayIgottago – restrooms.

One problem. To use the facilities, drivers have to exit the highway. That means that after relieving themselves, they’re required to go through a toll booth to continue their trips on the pike.

Not to worry.

I leave the state for a few minutes, and do people behave? They do not.

Let’s start with Matthew Dunlap, Maine’s secretary of state. For weeks, he’d been predicting a record turnout in the Nov. 4 election, based on the large number of absentee ballots being cast. But as soon as I slipped away for a little break from my onerous responsibility of keeping everything in order, Dunlap told the Associated Press he might have miscalculated. All those early voters weren’t

The pharmaceutical industry may be trying to change its image. After years of putting out miracle drugs with names that sounded like they were stolen from comic-book villains (“End the curse of restless cuticle syndrome with new Volterannz. See your doctor if your fingers stiffen for more than four hours, as this may be a sign of a rare-but-serious side effect for which you will need prescription-strength Glactophantec, which should not be used if you are sleepy, intend to become sleepy

A steer walks into a barroom in Livermore Falls and asks the bartender for a glass of absinthe.

“Jeez, pal,” says the bartender, “I don’t think that stuff is legal in Maine.”

“You’re behind the times, my good man,” says the steer, brandishing a recent issue of the Bangor Daily News, featuring an article on the absinthe revival, after more than a century of the liquor being

Call me an alarmist if you will, but when I see headlines like the one in the Oct. 26 Lewiston Sun Journal that read, “Bobcats drop Mules,” I become worried about the Maine mule industry.

It’s hard enough to breed mules without pesky bobcats dropping them.

On closer examination, however, I can see that my concern may be misplaced. The story in question refers

The Maine Turnpike Authority is raising tolls on the highway an average of 23 percent next year because … well, because it can.

For the first time in the history of the pike, traffic is down, which means revenue is down, which means – if you were Wal-Mart or L.L. Bean – you’d cut prices and boost advertising. Have a sale. Attract some bargain hunters. Improve the bottom line.

But

Todd Palin was in Maine this past week.

Sarah Palin will be here this week.

Todd, the husband of the governor of Alaska (although he prefers to be called “First Dude”), made stops in Palmyra, Hermon and Presque Isle to campaign for the Republican presidential ticket. He said Maine was a lot like Alaska, only with better foliage. He

You’ve got to wonder what former Maine Gov. Angus King has been drinking. King and his partners in Independence Wind LLC are offering everybody in Roxbury free electricity.

Of course, there’s a catch. To get the power, everybody in Roxbury will have to chug a large bottle of Allen’s Coffee Flavored Brandy.

Ha, ha. That last sentence is completely false.

There weren’t any earthquakes in Maine this past week. No tidal waves. Hurricane Kyle brushed the down-east coast, but it wasn’t as if it made any permanent alterations in the topography.

So, I’m not sure what natural force was to blame for this headline in the Sept. 24 Lewiston Sun Journal:
“Auburn

You must be at least this tall to read this article.

Do not stand up while reading.

Not responsible for objects left between paragraphs.

Every third or fourth sentence should be disregarded as a blatant fabrication.

You’ve been warned.

We’ll begin with a gradual climb, not too steep, not too high. Attendance at Acadia National Park was up this year over 2007, reaching 2.2 million visitors.

That’s