Vassalboro, the home of the Grand View Topless Coffee Shop, is trying to force women to cover up.
Pittsfield, the home of a project called “Bra Babes,” is trying to convince women to shed their garments for a good cause.
Somewhere in Maine, there must be a town advocating that women walk around with one breast covered and the other exposed.
Vassalboro’s town manager has drafted an ordinance banning nudity at local businesses.
Let me be clear. The following story is in no way intended to hold those involved in it up to ridicule. That would be inappropriate, given their close brush with events that could easily have ended in tragedy. The account of their misfortune is included in this week’s roundup of important Maine news not because reading the original newspaper report caused me to laugh so hard that I almost choked on my English muffin and came close to requiring that Heimlich thingie where somebody squeezes you until you unclog.
If Maine’s tourism industry is looking for untapped potential – a large group of people with high-paying jobs who apparently never set foot in this state – it should start sending brochures to college football recruiters. If statistics published in a national magazine are to be believed, hardly any recruiters are combining a little leaf peeping with catching a few local high school games each fall. And when it comes to observing spring workouts, well, let’s just say muddy fields and mud season do not make for an attractive tour package.
You know those totally bogus news stories in which a reporter builds an entire article out of some celebrity’s tenuous connection to Maine? Like a movie star who spent a summer vacation here once when she was a kid. Or a famous politician who was on a plane that stopped to refuel in Bangor. Or a well-known author who’s looking forward to visiting someday, although probably not in your lifetime.
I can’t stand that kind of wanna-be-Hollywood-and-slime journalism myself, but
I’m not the kind of person who takes pleasure in the misery of a fellow human being. (Well, actually, I am that kind of person. I just pretend I’m not when I’m writing for Down East.) So let me just say this about the terrible plight of Linda Roberts of Auburn.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha (gasp) hahahhahaha. Ha (wheeze) ha.
I know you’re sick of hearing about the lousy economy, but I’m under intense editorial pressure here (including the threat of forms of torture so heinous that the mere mention of them would make Dick Cheney curl up in a fetal position and make pathetic gurgling noises) to present as comprehensive an overview of the week’s events in Maine as is humanly possible. That’s got to include some economic stories, no matter how much you don’t want to read them.
Puppies are cute. Babies are cute (or so I’m told). Disney movies ooze cuteness from every pixel.
But I’ve never heard a state fair described as cute. Until now.
James Kopel, a retired college professor from Moline, Ill., thinks the Fryeburg Fair is “one of the cutest state fairs you’ve ever seen.”
Kopel has spent the past 11 years traveling to 41 official and 11 unofficial state
I was faced with a classic dilemma: Should I start this week’s news rehash with the chicken story or the egg story?
I was leaning toward the eggs, because they go better with both hash and rehash, but that was before I discovered meatier fare. Or, possibly, milkier fare.
Winning the battles of muscle, mental prowess and manipulation required of contestants on the TV show “Survivor” is probably the single greatest accomplishment a human being can achieve.
Well, except for winning “American Idol.”
But triumphing on “Survivor” while wearing a bow tie – that’s something extra special. Like accepting the Nobel Peace Prize dressed in your boxer shorts with little hearts on them.
Seriously, everyone in
I am by nature an optimistic person. I don’t think the sky is falling. I don’t believe the apocalypse is upon us. I’m not locking myself in the fallout shelter with 10 years supply of canned goods, several loaded guns and a cook book called “1001 Delicious Ways to Serve Cockroach.”
It’s true the economic news of this past week has been on the grim side. But just today, I spotted a hopeful sign. According to a story in the Bangor Daily News,